he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
