is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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