and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I wish my penis had an off switch
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
