Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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