I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
