Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
