Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
