i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
