I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize