her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
