dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
