the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
