apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
