I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
