Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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