I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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