yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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