I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
