i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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