I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
