I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
