I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
