maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
