Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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