i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Quick, to the slutcave!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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