i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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