peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
