I cut my penus on the lid.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
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