Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
