they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the condom got lost in my hair
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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