I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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