3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
