Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
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You. Win. At. Life.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize