are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize