I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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