Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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