You're completely useless in the revolution.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
