for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
