im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
