Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
