Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
