Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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