i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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