i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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