she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
