So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
