After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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