I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize