he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
