Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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