You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
