great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
