Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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