Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize