my mouth tastes like poor choices
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We are all done wearing pants today
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
