I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
