you would pick up someone in the library
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
