Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
