I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
