I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
