So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
