she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
