I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
