The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
