dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
