i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
