My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
