I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
