Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
