names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
