I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
