um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
