Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
