No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
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