almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize