I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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