Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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