He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
