o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize