I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I need water and some morals
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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