my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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