So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
