She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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