My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you will always have a special place in my vag
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
