last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
