i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
