U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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