dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
