Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dear god my vagina.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize