The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
