Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
