would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
