she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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