Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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