sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
