she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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