bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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