ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
