We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
