all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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