Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Randomize
