i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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