Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
