my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
