i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
