If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
