She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
