I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
