just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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