I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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