I feel great
I just peed on a car
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Can vaginas get frostbite?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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