i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
