I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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