My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
